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The Princess

2

Written on 9:29 PM by Mrudula

The Princess woke up to a beautiful day, pleasant thoughts wafting through her mind, the feeling of not realizing where one is, the feeling that the world is a beautiful place and the feeling of not needing to do anything that day. And it had to happen. Realization dawned upon her.Her room, her home and the fact that soon she would have someone, whom she doesn't know, by her side when she wakes up on mornings like this one. She had a hot flush, the scary feeling, and then sweating. Why does it have to be this way? What is it that she is she is scared of? Is she scared because she lost a dream she has nurtured for five years? Or is she scared of the alternative? Well she is a princess isn't she?

She dragged herself out of the bed started procrastinating about going to work. She reasoned that it is better to go than sit at home and sulk. In an hour she hopped in to the car that takes her to work. She looked at her mobile and a hundred messages and missed calls from hundred people awaited her. "how are you?", haven't heard from u, everything alrite?, do call me, when r u coming over?, etc etc etc. "If only they knew what I was going through. Why do they love me so much? I don't even feel like sending a message. If only I knew what was wrong with me." Looking out of the window she saw the busy morning life of the city pass by. A grandfather walking his grandchildren to school. Oh! how happy he must be without a care in this world! He has lived his life and watching the kids live theirs. "How I wish I was like him" Well, how would she know that he had to take the place of the kids' father. Hmm... was he feeling the same way like she did? Did he ever get over it and move on with his life? He certainly doesn't deserve this at this age. An old lady abandoned by her family risking her life for a few coins. She didn't deserve that kind of a life either. An young couple on a bike leaving for work. The cliche "Happily Married" doesn't show on their faces. She wondered what must have happened back at home.

She realized that she was just a speck in the dust of hustle and bustle of the city. Maybe she is somebody's object of observation, amusement or the cause for a flash of philosophical thought in somebody's mind. No surprises there. She is a princess and she damn looked like one. The sparkle in her eyes... it is as if the the sun broke into two and no longer wanted to be in the sky. Her fair skin, her lovely smile that moves all the right facial muscles making her face an irresistible source of an infectious smile on anyone who is fortunate to have glimpsed it - hypnotic is an understatement.
Does she know it? Well, how would she?

Sitting in the car, she hoped that the journey would take forever. She did not feel like getting out of the cab. But before she realized it, she was in the office marching to her desk ignoring a few naughty/shy glances from her male colleagues. The emails ask the same questions.

"Why wont people ever stop bothering me. Why do they love me so much? Why do they want me so much? Is it fair? Is it fair for me to chase a dream that is not as sweet as it may seem while everyone else chase me and relentlessly worry about my happiness? What is it that they want? Why do they think I am not happy?" These thoughts race through her mind.

The day drags on... the boss comes, the boss goes. People call. People laugh. People talk in annoyingly high tones. People gossip in ridiculously low voices. Can't help overhearing them. Guys hitting on girls... Girls wishing they would go away. The Princess staring into empty space.

"Is this what life is about? Is this how I want to spend the rest of my days? Do I like myself this way? What am I trying to prove? Why am I still stuck here while people around me move on. Why does it have to hurt so much? Is there an end to this? "

Somebody pulled on her. It is lunch time already. "Do I want to eat?" Well it would do some good to get out for a while. And then there was chatter again. She did not even realise that she wasn't registering anything. Is she not thinking at all or just thinking too much? Did she care about what was going on? or was she caring too much. "Whats happening to me? Why am not letting myself to move on? It was a good dream. Why am I ruining it thinking about it over and over again?"

She did not have any answers. Well who is she answerable to? She felt like going to sleep right then and there. It felt so secure. So many people around her, she felt like she was in a fortress, but protected from who?

Scared to go back home (sweet home they call it) she reluctantly climbs back into the cab, hoping for an unending journey, hoping she would not have to go back to the lonely place again, to a lonely bed again with only her laptop to keep her company, and finally hoping for a different and a better tomorrow. She dozes off letting the world around her pass by serene and peaceful face (if only all the people fighting each other around the world had just one look at her face of a sleeping child, the world would have been a better place to live in) and slipping into another dream. Pray that at least this dream would not hurt.